Monologues

Another look at earth

By Ryan O’Harris

These are some of the things you kill each other for:

  1. The color of your skin or their skin
  2. A large screen TV that if you break a window you can take
  3. Who will govern you and tell you to do what you don’t want to do
  4. Wearing the wrong color clothing in the wrong neighborhood
  5. More money that won’t really buy anything you need
  6. Your wife burned the chicken
  7. Your husband stuck his thing in another woman’s thing
  8. Your husband stuck his thing in another man’s thing
  9. Your wife’s thing doesn’t work to your satisfaction
  10. Your husband’s thing is too small
  11. Because you drank too much beer
  12. Because they would not sell you beer

 

The fact is that the human race would have little or no chance of surviving the purge my leaders have planned for you, that is if not for this extraordinary invention I have here clinched in my hand.  It transcends even the worst of humanities’ weaknesses.  It represents the mode of human perfection that you all must follow.  You created it, so the value must be inside all of you somewhere.  I am talking about this. (He opens his hand and shows a marshmallow.)  I think you call it a marshmallow.  How amazing.  Some of you like it white and stiff, others like it heated to a golden brown and sticky, and still others like it blackened and creamy on the inside.  It does not seem that the color of your skin plays any role in how you eat it.  It’s truly a miracle.  You can tell your children some day that the marshmallow saved your life and this planet.  In fact, I suggest you build a statute of the marshmallow.  You better show all three colors on the statue or one of the lesser humans will knock it down.  (He looks up to the sky and says, “Beam me up Scotty.” Yeah, you humans stole that from us as well.

 

End

 

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